I first prayed a rosary in December 2022, for no discernible reason except that I was exhausted and unhappy with my life. I surrendered and asked for help. Doors began to open after that, doors which I never expected to open. In January 2023, I found a tradition/ practice (and it found me) that seemed to bring out my courage, energy, and determination. Virgin Mary revealed herself to me there, and the Cross revealed itself in my heart. I began to live matters of faith. I dove into the world of this practice: I found my footing there, and I came to care for the people. It quickly rooted in my life & identity.
Then my life crumbled in 2023 summer. I was in darkness again. I was living in a liminal world, and prayer was the only language that made sense. The Book of Job came to me then. Many things happened. I fought to have courage and hope. I began to go to Sunday Mass regularly. Through many hard weeks, especially in 2023 fall, Mass was my oasis. Every day was an unending time of worry and doubts. But I knew that, no matter what was happening, on Sundays, for one hour (plus travel time), I had refuge, I was safe.
“I was terrified to quit this other practice, but as I learned more about it and also more about Jesus, I had to quit.”
These two worlds were not compatible. There was no peace, only tricks and empty promises. My mind made excuses about how I could stay and make it work; how I needed this place to make my prayer heartfelt. When you’re balancing on a tightrope with the abyss below, error matters; you’ve got adrenaline, and your attention is laser-focused. That’s how it was.
“I was scared to let go of this new life I knew. But I was shown the truth of God’s heart over and over, truth preserved in the Bible and in the Mass. So, deep down, I couldn’t choose this practice and this community over the Eucharist, over Jesus Himself.“
My rosary and the Shalom community were my primary tethers to God, as I left this other practice. I’m very thankful for both. Stepping into the unknown (again) would have been much more difficult otherwise. And honestly, I’m grateful for all of it. God can use all of my choices and experiences for His greater glory, and I hope to let Him.
“It’s hard to put into words what Shalom has given me. Most importantly perhaps: simple witness of the Christian life, of sacrifice and love, in community”.
Many graces, and times of such peace and hope. I can rest here, with new energy for the next day. This happens at church too, but in a different way. Anya Pechkina.
